My revelation

I feel like I’m in a transition phase. I’m caught in between surrendering and a straight up epiphany that I’m reluctant to embrace. If it were someone I loved in my situation I know I would tell them not let the statistics and the immensity of the disease distract you from your life goals. It is so hard to practice what you preach in a situation such as this, but I have decided I am going to try. I need so bad to shake the ugliness of fear, and depression out of my head like shaking ice off of damp skin. I don’t want to be consumed of despair and anxiety, so what choice do I have?

The question now is where do I start? Today I plan to start by cleaning my house, and not stopping until it exceeds my own expectations. That is a change for me. Most times I feel so tired, weak and dizzy that I forfeit at the first sign of exhaustion. Today I refuse to cave obviously, without killing myself. I know that I am the typical housewife who unknowingly marries to become a wife and a mother too. Some days it seems I’m constantly picking up after him, but I guess that is the compromise we make for marital bliss.  I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  I am determined to find the simple joys again in the things I that I now find challenging and exerting.

Play catch with my dog Jazey, and squeeze, and love my two cats Darby and Xander. Make my mother proud by forgiving God, and start a new relationship with the one man that has the power to make miracles happen. This is the beginning of me fighting the battle against Myelodysplasia. I will succeed!